Madam—

Since you are incapable of registering discontent in any other form, let this note stand as my firm refusal to engage in any activity under that heinous term, 'Mpreg'.

Your grasp of anatomy alone beggars the bounds of incredulity. To think that I would be a willing accomplice—.

I will not accept female reproductive responsibilities, woman!

Originally posted at dear_mun.

Dear Madam,

Our standing arrangement is unprofitable, insensible, and an utter waste of my time. I must insist you abolish it at once.

If it has escaped your knowledge, I am a consulting detective. I am not some comely, roving canine one may adopt at first inclination—nor am I any other small, fluffy domesticated mammalian, despite your inconceivable and repeated insistence. 'Adorable' is not a germane adjective, madam, when applied to my person. I resist this bond on those grounds alone.

Further, your mind is disorganised; your faculties stuporous; and your grasp of grammar. . .suspect. I cannot work under such restraints, and without my work, I am of no use to you or anyone. This does not touch on the allusion to other unmentionable activities in which you desire me to spend my time engaged.

For your sake and for mine, you must desist, madam. However, considering your perverse importunity that we work together, I very much doubt you will heed such advice.

POST SCRIPT:
The name is neither humourous nor charming. The measure of delight you derive from it is unequal to its true worth. In fact, it surpasses it markedly.

Originally posted at dear_mun.